I pulled Danny over the safeguard railings of a busy motorway bridge, cradling a deeply troubled man, who clearly was carrying the weight of the world on his already crumpled shoulders. A man who was an alcoholic, lacking purpose, with a string of failed relationships and grieving for his recently departed brother.
Instantly I felt the impact his story had on me, knowing it would change my life forever.
The pain I saw in his soulless eyes was unnerving. That’s when it happened, the epiphany. It wasn’t just Danny’s story unfolding before me, it was my own. I truly believe a degree of divine cosmic intervention occurred that night. Although I saved him that evening, he most definitely saved me. I had had an encounter with my earth angel. Yes, I now believe they do walk amongst us!
I consumed a hefty amount of gin on my return home, to settle my nerves. I started to reflect on what had occurred. The comparisons we had, the self-loathing, the feeling of failure, a conflicting purpose, which led to the perpetual cycle of weakness. I knew then I had to change. I had to take control back. The functioning alcoholic, which I had become due to the numbing of trauma from my teens, through to early 40’s, ranging from homelessness, rape, loss of a child, divorce, suicide attempt, a string of narcissistic relationships, a failing business and finally, my father’s passing, meant I was barely coping.
Internally I was crushed, externally I was ‘Little Miss Positivity”, and in the eyes of onlookers I had a blessed, fortunate life. I owned a ‘successful’ floristry business, working in some of the most prestigious places around the globe, as well as in the T.V. industry. Yet my own journey of life, would be deemed too far fetched for any television drama.
That night, I changed. I was no longer fuelled by a passion of floristry. I needed to help others living the same way I was. The self-medicating, self-loathing and other functioning alcoholics of this world. But first I had to face my own fears and step out of the shadows into the light, giving myself permission to heal my wounds, the deep scarring, and to learn the art of forgiveness.
Danny helped me find my true purpose, enabling me to speak my truths without shame. Meaning I now own and embrace my past, giving me strength to close my floristry business, which ran for 15 years, only 2 months after our encounter. Of course, I wasn’t fully healed, but he shone the light for me to take those fearful first steps. Giving me the strength to venture into new pastures of mentoring others in breaking away from their own self sabotaging habits.
Although my angel didn’t have a glowing halo, the softest white wings, or the voice of purity – mine was a little unhinged, but I wouldn’t have wanted him any other way.
