Confidence is the state of feeling certain about the truth, and a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s own appreciation of their abilities. My questions of, ‘Do I appreciate myself and my own gifts? Do I know how powerful I truly am?’ arise from my heart as I began writing this excerpt from my home office during COVID. What would everyone think of me if my own curtain was pulled back and I showed up vulnerably?
Well, I went through an existential crisis of meaning where the wounds cut deeply and aren’t available to the naked eye. Every Friday for nearly a decade, we hopped into my mom’s SUV and drove an hour to visit my grandparents and cousins. Thus, began my experience to the world of addiction.
I watched in horror and curiosity as two of my male cousins hid drugs and money in the walls of the home, and witnessed one too many fights between them, begging my grandmother to give them her last cent. As I grew older, my fear of turning into someone who knew the pains and problems of addictions manifested into my little world. The good Catholic girl became an alcoholic the moment booze touched her lips.
My drinking career began at 17 and lasted a solid 10 years. At 25, I lost my job at the top pharmaceutical company in the world. By that age I was having multiple seizures, throwing up blood and blacking out after a night of straight partying. That lasted for 2 years until I was driven out of every friend circle, and family wanted nothing to do with my performances. Luckily, I landed on my feet in my career, but not in my personal world. I begged my family for forgiveness only to be met with disappointment.
I knew something needed to change, but I was not sure how to ask for forgiveness. Remember I did not have a lick of confidence, but the voice of God sparked something deeply within my soul. My sobriety story began slowly and in a CrossFit gym. I walked in one evening, announced myself as if I were the keynote speaker at the White House and was met with pure love. I was home, thus beginning my self-healing journey.
Today I am 7 years sober and counting. I run my own successful Soul Activation and Breakthrough Bullshit Coaching Business. I help multimillionaire women leave their stories behind, step out of slavery mindset and into sovereignty consciousness while up levelling their spiritual game. Within this body of work, I am able to tap into God, angels, and spirit guides with working with my clients. I never knew this was my purpose! God has a funny way of letting you know you’re meant to be seeking guidance through your trials and tribulations. Redemption sure is sweet on the other side!