We all suffer from time to time in lapses of confidence – it nearly stopped me writing my first article for this magazine – and almost stopped me writing this one. Those limiting beliefs like “no one will want to read what I write about” and “there’s no value in what I have to say” have often stopped me from ever getting started.
We should all take a second to look back on our lives and realise how far we have come – the traumatic events that we didn’t think we would mentally survive, the hardships, mental, emotional and physical. I dare say not one of us has reached this stage in our lives without encountering at least a few of those things.
Whatever they were is irrelevant; what is relevant is that we survived and are still here, most likely toughened and less naïve to the world as a result. So, take a second and pat yourself on the back for that.
Over the last few years, I’ve learned not to get hung up on the small stuff (after years of being told to do so but not understanding how), something I am now trying to pass on to my husband. I can give you some examples, and depending on where you are in the same process, you will understand or judge me (it may be those negative voices in my head telling me the latter).
A. Recently I sent my children to school on a freezing cold day and forgot to pack their coats in the car – hubby arrived at school to find no coats and immediately rang me to let me know with a half-joking, half-serious comment about me being a terrible mother. “Ah well, I’m sure they will be fine” I shrugged, callous you may think, but there was nothing I could do at that moment in time, and school had a duty of care for my children and wouldn’t let them freeze to death.
B. On another occasion, hubby thought I was joking when we realised I’d packed our Firestick and all relating cables for a 10 day holiday but had failed to pack the key component – the remote control. I decided it really wasn’t important – I didn’t need to stay up to date with TV while I was out of the country, and I immediately forgave myself (hubby, to this day, still carries it!).
My point is we’re all on a different journey and you cannot change anyone other than yourself – so don’t waste your valuable energy trying – sympathise with them for where they’re at and be grateful you’re not enduring their struggles. I personally don’t have the shoulders to carry so much regret and frustration anymore, and it’s enlightening to be able to simply shrug it off and move on. After years of upset, stress, and frustration with myself, I’ve finally learnt to be kinder to the most important person in my life and to those around me.