I sat there in a room filled with things that were not mine. I’d left my toxic and abusive relationship and was in a refuge with my little one. Plus I’d ‘paused’ another business. This is an example of when it’s easy to feel like a failure. However I didn’t, because some years ago I decided to reframe failure. I wouldn’t allow myself to believe that I could be a failure. That’s right, I decided to believe that I couldn’t fail, only the things I tried could fail. And I gave myself permission to fail at what I tried. You see failure is evidence of trying and we fail our way to success.
Another critical thing I’ve done on this journey is follow my Triple-A Process: Affirmations, Action, and Accountability. The process has been a gradual realisation. I started with Affirmations years ago, which took me from self-loathing to self-loving, from looking in the mirror with disgust to liking who and what I saw. Daily affirmations are a major key to success in any and every area of life. Affirmations are positive statements we make about ourselves and our life such as ‘I am capable’. Before winning my awards, each morning and night I declared ‘I am an award-winning entrepreneur’. Anything we repeatedly hear we come to believe, as it enters into our subconscious minds enabling us to reprogramme our beliefs. Many studies have shown this. So create some positively worded statements in line with your dreams and desires and say them at the start and end of the day. And whenever negative self-defeating thoughts come.
I later learned that Affirmations are just the beginning. The next stage is to take Action. Our action stage can be a mixture of planned and inspired steps. I was open to opportunities which allowed me to put in work to get recognised, like doing a TEDx, and then put myself forward as a potential candidate for award nominations. Without these actions, I wouldn’t be writing this after becoming a multi-award winning Speaker less than 18 months after leaving the refuge.
Consider what actions you can take that’s in line with manifesting your affirmations. Commit to taking some planned action and inspired action when the opportunity is presented. (And you’ll be surprised at what will present itself once you commit). Ideally, we’ll take action every day which moves towards making real those things we dream of and desire.
Taking action is likely to lead you outside of your comfort zone, hence why we need the final stage in the process; Accountability. Who will hold us accountable? Who will check in to see how we’re getting on and what we’ve achieved? Who can we trust to be a cheerleader or disciplinarian when we need it? Success isn’t achieved in isolation, it takes collaboration. We need two or three people to support us. It’s best if those people have some experience or exposure to what we’re on the road to achieving. I was accountable to a mentorship group.
It’s this reframing of failure and following the Triple-A Process that has empowered me to overcome toxicity and abuse as a child and partner along with business failure. Now I’m in my home surrounded by our things, in a healthier relationship with a successful business. However, I am successful not because of what I have but because of who I have become.